IN MY ANNUAL REVIEW, as usual, I measure the year’s successes and failures and what I learned from them. “The days are long but the years are short,” says author Gretchen Rubin. It’s incredible how much can happen in one short year. Here’s a review of 2018, hoping that it serves as a blueprint for myself (and you) to guide us into the new year.

TRAVEL

As a travel addict, it’s really hard to swallow the concept of one big trip per year. I used to book random trips the same way a shopaholic clicks “Add to Cart”.

2018 was different because Jovi and I booked one big, hairy, and ambitious 3-week holiday in Paris, Switzerland, Rome, Milan, and Florence. It was so expensive, it took us a year to save.

All being said, what did I really take away? A few things:

1. The best moments of trips are during downtime or when you’re alone or lost. I broke down in tears after stepping solo inside Milan’s Duomo, gripped by the church’s massive, holy interiors preserved in perfection. I talked about it on Atlas Obscura, a platform that features the world’s unique wonders.

2. I planned the trip the obsessed way, down to train seats per country and discount Metro tickets. It was downright exhausting. What’s the upside? It improved my research skills, going as far as asking Lonely Planet forums to get Swiss train travel advice.

[WATCH: Bernina Express, Riding One Of the World’s Most Scenic Train Rides]

3. When traveling with family or with a partner, schedule time to be apart. Some of my most thrilling travel experiences happened when I was simply by myself. One was in Paris’ Republique neighborhood, where a bespectacled art gallery owner invited me for coffee. A long time ago, I learned that no two souls in this world have the same interests, so alone time had always been mandatory for Jovi and I.

4. When you come home after a vacation, print your pictures. Not just upload in FB or IG but print in real paper and insert into frames. I made an album of our trip to Europe and used it as a birthday gift for Jovi. (It’s a gift for him that turns out to be a gift for me, too.)

WRITING

I’ve had the great luck and honor to work with the Philippine Airlines’ in-flight magazine, Mabuhay. Aside from an article about the Cebu Safari, I organized a front-cover photoshoot and wrote a 1500-word feature story on Bisaya music. I’m especially thankful to my photographer friend RG for connecting me to Mabuhay and to James, who is a thoughtful editor.

[READ: “Let the Music Play” Mabuhay Magazine, July 2018]

CAREER

I left my work as a marketer to become a full-time freelance writer. As someone who valued high income, I took the scary leap to have almost none. I would describe this year as risky, where I traded job security to pursuing writing. And what a life-affirming challenge that was, to become the opposite of my perceived identity.

Through this experience, I learned temperance, the ability to restrain one’s desires. At the start of the year, I embarked on a successful “NO SHOPPING” policy only derailed on the 90th-day mark when I bought the perfect bootcut jeans in F&F. Still, for the rest of the year, I had to let go of so much of my “wants”, just so I can extend my writing experiment. I learned a few more things:

1. I don’t need much
2. Exactly how much I need to survive

Folks I worked with this year. (1st top left: Carmen del Prado and Mia Arcenas for Mabuhay December 2018 “Going Global”. 2nd top right: Cebu Safari VP Eduard Loop and my husband, Jovi. 1st bottom left: Photographer Takeshi, Musical Director Jude Gitamondoc and singer-songwriter Jerika Teodorico. 2nd bottom pic: Caohagan Quilters)

When I learned of how little I need, it gave me to courage to keep writing. And I got a lot better. Not just in the way I normally blog (which took a backseat this year so I can focus on published work) but how to make real money getting published. I felt like I was dropped in a bubbling pot of publishing shabu-shabu. Just as cabbage and mushrooms are essential to a good hotpot, I learned how necessary it is to add details and fact-check in creative nonfiction writing. I never thought I’d want to pull out my hair at 6 AM, my favorite time of day, but I did while editing. As Chris Sykes once said, “Anybody who thinks writing is easy is someone who never really tried.”

HEALTH

Most people’s capacity for pain is low. Nobody even takes cold showers anymore. Much more lift heavy weights, which I did for the better part of the year. Strength training transformed my body into a shape unrecognizable to me. I’ve been active all my life but to see rippling muscles on my arms and quads was a surprise.

I remember all those 4:30 AM wakeups to get to the gym alone or the moments I almost passed out after swinging 40-lb kettlebells on deadlift day. I’ve never worked out harder and have been rewarded greater. I’ll continue my training in 2019, only more despacito this time.

RELATIONSHIPS

Every year, I grow deeper in love with the family I married into. I’ve spent a lot of time with my nephews and nieces this year, learning things about them like how they simply want pens and notebooks and who their real favorite cousin is. Sometimes, it’s easy to get lost in big family gatherings but nothing beats genuinely listening to one person.

“To understand and to be understood, those are among life’s greatest gifts,” wrote Brainpicking’s Maria Popova. I’m thankful for the opportunity to spend time with friends and young family members, revel in the joy of their company and get infected by their energy.

The man I married gets better with age like fine leather. This year, Jovi achieved a lot, too. He successfully shut down Redgolf, his golf business of 10 years; ran several half-marathons; healed his plantar fasciitis mainly by losing weight; and lined up for an extraordinary 24-hours to get in front of U2 in Paris. Not to say we didn’t fight all year but indeed the squabbles are getting better, ending with forgiveness and understanding soon after.  Jovi’s “my person”  in Grey’s Anatomy jargon. My 2018 would be chaos and mush without him.

In closing, I hope that you’ll be inspired to make a similar reflection of your past year. It’s surprisingly fun and a great reminder that through God’s grace, we are alive and thriving. May 2019 bring you health and happiness. Happy New Year!

2018 Highlights:

• Transitioned from marketing to writing
• Read about Stoicism every day
• Celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary with my husband in Bantayan Island’s Annika Resort
• Reached my peak strength at deadlift 1.5x my body weight
• Traveled to 6 countries: France, Italy, Hongkong, Singapore, Switzerland, Vatican
• Camped solo to a place I’ve never been before
• Explored Coron, Palawan with my husband where we got to hug giraffes
• Learned how to edit my work
• Learned how to do calligraphy
• Learned how to do basic self-defense
• Celebrated my 27th birthday with my family over rose-covered table setting and lechon (roasted pig) served 4 ways
• Planned a DIY trip to Europe and got our Schengen VISAs approved
• Worked with Mabuhay Magazine, the Philippine Airlines’ in-flight magazine
• Hosted my close friends in Cebu like Lyra who flew in from Hongkong and Jonathan from Manila
• Traveled to Singapore’s Resorts World Sentosa on my first media familiarization trip
• Read almost a hundred books. Thanks to reading subscription, Scribd!

About the Author

Crystal Neri is a freelance writer who has worked across media platforms in places as diverse as US, Singapore, and Australia. She lives in Cebu City where she covers travel and entrepreneurship at crystalneri.com. Say Hi to her (@nericrystal) on Twitter and Instagram. Subscribe to her newsletter:

The post 2018: Year in Review appeared first on Crystal Neri.

In 2017, I saw Grand Teton’s famous snow-capped peaks and Yellowstone’s buffalos, boils and bubbles.  More than ever, I spent time with my Neri and Superal families. I cooked, read and worked out more. We travelled to Bohol, Batanes, US, Korea, Japan and China. But it wasn’t a perfect year – there were tears and hardships too.

In July, my husband Jovi and I got separated for almost 2 months because my family needed me. In November, we seriously asked ourselves when’s a good time to have kids. This year was particularly difficult for me at work. I learned that I’m extremely tolerant and good with time, but I also have blind spots in big-picture thinking and making decisions too fast. Here’s a look back at all the happy and sad memories in 2017:

January

2017 started with sad news: the project I was working on will have to end abruptly, and my sisters Princess and Ace will be leaving for the US as green card holders. After wiping a few tears, I went about my month focused on lifting weights in the gym and travel planning for the year.

February

As I was slowly wrapping up my tasks at work, I received happy news. I got invited to speak at the first ever Tech Ladies Meetup in Cebu to talk about how I got into marketing. My major in college, Multimedia Communications, was really what lead me to this path. I was nervous for the entire duration of the 15-minute speech, but I had a great time preparing and meeting the other ladies in tech like me.

Also in February, I signed up for my longest run ever (7 kilometres) for the SM to SM Marathon. I have many friends and a husband who are avid runners, so I felt like a beginner in their world. But running in the rain at 4:OO AM for 7km rain was not a joke!

March

March was a challenging and busy month for work, travel and my husband’s 8-day absence. Every year, Jovi the PAL Men’s Golf Championship. I’m always sad to see him go, but I’ve found ways to fill up his absence in the last couple years. One time, I travelled solo to beautiful Surigao, and this year, I updated all my Inbound Marketing certifications.

On the first week of March, Sierra arrived in Cebu. We got massages, pedicures and sampled Filipino food. With Jovi in tow, we spent a weekend in Bohol to see tarsiers and Alona Beach. I was so glad that despite the years, Sierra and I remained good friends and that 2017 was finally the year that she visited the Philippines.

With the end of my work project, came two big opportunities right after. I was sourced by a recruiter for a social media project and got hired to consult as Inbound Marketer. In March, I had to juggle three jobs (at one point) that I remember spending nights at a cafe just to finish my long to-do list.

Jovi and I travelled to Seoul, South Korea on the last week of March. What a trip! Within 4 days, we saw the Changdeukgung and Changgyeoggung palaces, visited DMZ and ate some of the world’s best street food at Myeongdong. If you’re ever visiting Seoul, check out the video above and my blog about things to see and do there.

April

I’m a big fan of birthdays, so April is always a special month as I turn 26 years old. As a pre-Holy Week and early birthday celebration, Jovi and I travelled to Batanes, the northernmost tip of the Philippines. Many Filipino dream of visiting Batanes, but many are put off by the price and how hard it is to get there. Batanes does not look like anything else in the Philippines – rolling hills, ‘Honesty’ stores, and having four seasons make it unique. If you ever dream of seeing Batanes, stay tuned for my next blog about how we got an affordable travel package there.

When we got back from Batanes, it’s already Maundy Thursday. Holy Week in the Philippines is always a very big deal – everything shuts down and families tend to travel or stay home. We usually spend Holy Week in Amara and I’m thrilled to have my sister Ace fly in for the week. This year, my 26th birthday landed on Easter Sunday. My family had dinner in Italian heirloom restaurant Trattoria Gianni, with a special appearance from Matteo De Guidicelli.

May

After Seoul and Bohol, we had to plan for another mammoth trip – the Neri family cruise. My in-laws brought the entire family (15 of us!) to a 5-day Royal Caribbean cruise from Shanghai, China to Kumamoto, Japan. I volunteered to handle all cruise registrations and help with the Chinese VISAS.

To take advantage of the trip, Jovi and I flew to Shanghai one day earlier than everyone else to see the Bund and the Shanghai Museum. That turns out to be one of the best decisions of the year! We saw some of the oldest artefacts of jade, porcelain and silk in the Shanghai Museum. And we rode the Maglev train, the first and fastest commercial train in the world. Stay tuned for my next blog about 24-hours in Shanghai.

The cruise was perfect – my in-laws, Nelia and Julius, spent a wonderful 51st anniversary onboard Quantum of the Seas and everyone enjoyed our bonding time. My family especially loved shopping in Yatsushiro, and some of us even got to do a side trip to the Kumamoto Castle. This deserves a blog post on its own, so I will write one soon. We hope that we can continue to do family trips like this in the future.

June

My mom asked me to fly to San Diego, California to help my sisters acclimate as new immigrants there. I thought this would be the perfect time for an extended trip, but I felt bad leaving Jovi for 6 weeks. This would be the longest separation we had since 2014. (Turns out, Jovi will end up losing 10 lbs. and be in the best shape of his life in my absence.) I spent most of June freelance writing, hiking, driving and caddying around Escondido and San Diego. Thinking of visiting San Diego soon? I highly recommend the San Diego Safari Park! Here’s a list of things to do and see there.

July

Every year, July is the highlight of our year because of the Callaway Junior World Championship, an annual golf tournament for elite junior golfers. Even if I don’t play that tournament anymore, I’ve been delegated as driver and caddy of my sister Ace.

Mid-July, me, my mom Grace and sister Ace went on a trip of a lifetime – to Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Park. We saw 500 buffalos, dozens of elk and moose and some of the best views of waterfalls and snow-capped mountains in the entire U.S. From San Diego, we flew to Salt Lake City, then drove through Jackson Hole to Wyoming, Idaho and Montana. Anyone who’s had any similar long drives with the family will attest to how fun this was. I’m so thankful for my Mom for this trip and for teaching me to be an adventurer!

August

After 6 long weeks in the US, I finally came home to Cebu. My husband has lost so much weight, we had to go shopping and alter his clothes. I’m so proud of him! He’s back to running and going to the gym again. It’s time to double down on my work again as I committed to a bigger role in the company where I was freelancing. I felt travel exhaustion, so Jovi and I cancelled any other trips for the year (even our fully-paid tickets to Clark, Pampanga).

September

I prepare for one big golf tournament at the end the year – the PAL Ladies Golf Championship, the biggest ladies golf team event in the country. It’s like going on a tournament with your closest friends and also be with other friends you rarely see. I’m so happy to have my sister Princess and best friend Inez fly in for the PAL tournament. On our free days, we would sneak out for dessert, lunch or a movie. To prepare for this tournament, I start my weight lifting two months prior and reach up to 88% max for deadlifts and squats. I play a whole lot more, too. This year, I didn’t finish the tournament well, but that’s just how golf is. We’ll try again next year!

October

October continues to be busy with the birthday of my husband, golf tournaments, and the annual Cebu Country Club Halloween party. On his 40th birthday, Jovi played golf with me and some friends who joined us for dinner at the Japanese restaurant, Kamakura. It was a night of memorable fresh soba noodles flown in from Japan, then served and cooked in front us. 

As an ode to my time in San Francisco, I’ve taken the Halloween costume to a serious level. We join the Cebu Country Club Halloween costume contest every year. In 2016, I won as Wonder Woman. This year, I wanted to be Linda Blair from The Exorcist. My costume was so scary that I had to sleep with the lights on for so many days. At the party, I’ve never made so many kids cry. It was so great to share this experience with my best friend Jonathan, who not only flew in for Halloween but was also my partner priest.

November

November was a time for reflection and finally investing in a few procedures. Jovi and I seriously asked ourselves if we should have kids, but we’re just not ready yet. My husband is the most incredible, supportive person and I have to keep reminding myself how rare it is to be married to someone like that. Also this month, I’ve finally decided to pay for laser hair removal. Just imagine a future where you never have to bring any razor to any trip – that alone makes it worth the hassle and expenses for me. To prepare for 2018 travel,  I volunteered to process my family’s Japanese and US VISAS. I’m so impressed with the US Embassy’s Interview Waiver Drop Box Program. If you’re a Filipino who wants to renew your US VISA, this is a must-read.

December

The only way to avoid traffic and jam-packed streets and malls in the Philippines during December is to do Christmas shopping early. Every year, we have a 30-person gift list. I started shopping for them 6 months ago, so our December was stress-free! Yet, this month is still always a whirlwind of parties and hosting friends and family. For some miracle, my sister Princess was in town, so she spent 9 wonderful days with us. Daizo, Ryoko and baby Ryusei, our friends from Tokyo visited Cebu for the first time in years. When I married Jovi, I didn’t expect a whole barangay of family and friends who would accept me and love each other so much. When my big family is being loud while eating and laughing, my simple happiness is knowing that I’ve helped organise the get-together in some way. December is always a reminder of that.

2018….

My goals for the year:

• To give away more free stuff for my readers (ebooks, itineraries, travel packing lists, etc)
• To learn more about Stoicism and do my daily journal.  In November, I signed up for the Daily Stoic, a free daily newsletter about Stoic lessons. Stoicism was invented by the Greeks and perfected by the Romans – as a way to deal with everyday life. It’s the best thing I read every day
• To learn how to say no more often and be more “authentic”
• To take on a 30-day no shopping challenge. No shopping clothes, accessories, bags or shoes. The reason is that I already have too much stuff and I need to pull back
• To take on monthly 24-hour fasts. My goal is to calibrate my need to eat. I find that it really curbs my appetite for the next few days/ weeks
• We hope to go to Europe at the end of the year. I’ve been saving up for this!  So far, we’ve already booked flights to Coron in March
• To eat more mindfully. I’ve always been an intuitive eater, but I could be better about eating when I’m not hungry
• To reach my goal of lifting 2x my body weight. That means I have to deadlift and squat 240 lbs. The reason is that I’ve hit a plateau and want to take my strength to the next level

About the Author

Crystal Neri is a Content and Social Media Marketer. She is a Hootsuite and Hubspot certified expert, covering travel, self-improvement and marketing trends. A graduate of Academy of Art University in San Francisco, Crystal currently works as a marketer in Cebu City, Philippines. Say Hi to her on Twitter (@nericrystal) and Instagram (@nericrystal).

Let me know if you have any travel stories or tips to share in the comments section below. Also, say Hi to me on Twitter (@nericrystal) or subscribe to my newsletter:

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“You accept the love you think you deserve.” -Stephen Chbosky

Today is Jovi’s 38th birthday. We have been together for over 8 years now (and married for four months!) Being the most influential person in my life, here are 38 lessons my love has taught me: 

1. To not care about what other people think. Studies show that intelligent people are better at resisting peer pressure. Jovi is a walking marvel of a no-care attitude. I used to think that’s his personality, but now I understand it’s a side effect of being smart. 

2. Think like you’re in the other person’s shoe. Not caring about other people’s opinions does not mean stop empathizing with them. In college, I was bickering about my golf coach, until Jovi patiently explained to me that her job depends on team performance or she’ll get fired. It’s hard for a kid to think that way, but Jovi taught me how.

3. Eat in moderation. I’m one of those wives who eat more than their husbands. Jovi eats one big meal a day while I eat like 5 times. Not only he is more resistant to peer pressure, he knows how to keep his appetite under control.

4. Exercise! Love running. In 2009, Jovi was weak and fat. He got into running and going to the gym and never looked back. Today, he runs 20K-40K a week. I still hate running and do HIIT’s on my own, but it inspires me to see my husband so belligerent about cardio. 

17. “Iwas gulo.” This phrase is a joke between us that means, ‘avoid fights.’ Jovi had got my patterns down – from what makes me mad (hunger), to what times I get hungry, and all other little things that instigate fights. He knows what those are by now and applies precaution. Smart man.

“Marriage is not about having a dinner companion. It’s about about sharing meals with the same person 38,327 times.” – The Atlantic

18. Separate work from life. Despite all of Jovi’s responsibilities, he does an excellent job with work-life balance. He does not bring work at home. He knows how to relax and to prioritize working out daily.

19. Love animals. We have two mini-pinchers, Tweetie and Jingle. Jovi plays with them every morning.

20. Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

27. Be sentimental about things. Jovi has a ‘Crystal’ folder than contains everything I gave him in the last 8 years. Heck, he still even uses his 20-year old pants! 

28. How to park the Land Cruiser in tight spaces. After I bumped the car once, he patiently spent one afternoon in Amara teaching me parking skills.

29. Be up-to-date with gadgets. Aside from being golf equipment nerd, Jovi spends a lot of his time reading gadget reviews.

30. Always expect the worst-case scenario. 

 

31. Don’t just say yes right away. In fact, say no. Gretchen Rubin calls people like Jovi ‘questioners.’ When you tell them anything, their first inclination is to ask why because they won’t do it if it’s not logical to them. As a wife, this is annoying. But this thinking has saved us in wedding planning and family holidays.

32. Use consistent verb tenses. I write for a living and my lawyer husband is my proof-reader.

33. Learn to draw. I went to art school, but I never learned how to draw. Jovi draws so well we think he might do it commercially when he’s older. Maybe drawing is something Jovi can teach to our future child instead.

34. How to hate things with passion. Being passive all the time is not good. 

 

35. Share your food. I grew up in house where food must be guarded or it will be taken away. Jovi would rather starve than hog food. One day, he gave away all the calzones we bought to my niece. I cried a little bit inside, but it’s a stepping stone in becoming more generous.

36. Know the life story of all superheroes. Did I mention he’s also a comic book geek?

37. Know how to keep secrets. This is side effect of having a lawyer as a spouse.

38. How to love without being a floor mop. The tendency for couples with big age gaps like ours, is that one spouse overrules. In contrast, Jovi and are teammates. I tried to pull the strings once, asking for his belt. He goes, “Why can’t you just buy your own?” I love how my man knows how to stand up for what is fair; it also teaches me to be assertive on my own. 

P.S. Hopefully this post and a Sour Cream Coffee Bundt cake are enough as birthday presents. 

 

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Our wedding suppliers: Giving business to our friends

Our simple gold wedding bands are from Suarez and Sons.

 

Our wonderful coordinator, Tonette Carcel, was recommended to us by my flower girl’s mom, Justeen.  

Tonette Malagar Carcel (7th person from left), our on-the-day wedding coordinator, with us and her team.

The reception decor was made my Hansel, one of the waiters at Cebu Country Club. 

Jovi’s drawing hanging in the DIY arch. Lots of guests took pictures here

 

What a glorious day to get married. No rain!

Pink Flora’s Pinky Chang, who made the bridal bouquet, is a friend of my mother-in-law.

Chateau De Busay serving their famous Humba. In the menu, there’s roasted beef (baka), fish fillet, pancit & more.

 

The house band, Mofo, and On The Cover band have the same guitarist that Jovi have been watching for 20 years. 

Our rehearsal dinner caterer, Creative Cuisine, is owned by our neighbour, Derek. Even our transportation guy, Fernando, who provided us vans and drivers, is Jovi’s friend. It was surreal to see all this labor of love come together in one special event.

First of all, I’m grateful to my husband, Jovi. He planned 70% of our wedding with grit to the detail. Just a few nights before the Big Day, Jovi was crunching 320 names in the spreadsheet for seating arrangements. He shows his kindness in a specific way. Case in point: nobody knew he invited about 7 caddies in our reception and even gave them money for transportation. Our wedding is proof of how much he loves me –  it not only benefitted me – but also the people around us that we made happy. To my husband: you are my favourite person in the universe and I love you to the world. 

 

Mom Nelia, Jovi, and Dad Julius at Bauhinia

My parents-in-law, Nelia & Julius, were tremendous help. Mom Nelia took charge of the entourage attire, flowers, alcohol, and more.  The night before the wedding day, I broke down in tears because four barongs’  and a dress were MIA. She called my coordinator the next day with words, “It’s taken care of.” Rumours she called the laundry store owner. For our jewelry, 20th century silver arrhaes, expert hosting at the Rehearsal Dinner, and a bunch of things I have no space to list here, she took charge of.

One of my most fave pics with my mom. The Mercedes conked twice on the way to the church – but we just laughed along the way.

Vanessa and the hair team of Chris made me look like this

 

I am super thankful for my makeup artist, Vanessa. Jovi might be annoyed by this right now, but when I look at our wedding pictures, I can’t stop saying, “Jov, I’m so pretty. Did you know I’m this pretty pala?” For the big & beautiful cake supplied by San Jose Bakeshop’s Jojo. For my maid-of-honor, Lyra,who is such a trooper in the midst of a big and chaotic Filipino wedding. For my friends at JFDI Asia, whose CEO Hugh Mason attended the event. My colleagues (Nelia, Mee-ann & Edrian) did two surprise song numbers for me. For Marko’sfantastic beach house that my family enjoyed. To the Neri and Garcia family – Lotlotorganized my bridal shower, Nini & Pio hosted the reception and played music, the nephews and nieces (Isabel, Julian, Ines and Mikkel) did a surprise song number, and 11-year old Biancaplayed Canon D live at the processional. [On a side note: how talented is this family?]

 

My nephews and nieces singing (from left to right): Nessi, Mikkel, Nini and Julian

 

My JFDI colleagues belted out 2 surprise songs for me. From left to right: Meeann, Edrian and Nelia

My JFDI family with the Lerma brothers. #spotsmoochy

My husband and I just opened hundreds of weddings gifts and are even more stunned. As those things are put away in storage for now, I’m living my days with Jovi thinking pretty much one thought: “OMG, I love this person so much.” And I’m married to him.

          Here’s our same day edit video, courtesy of Storyteller. 
Editor’s Note: To read Part 1 of our wedding story, click here. 

Crystal Neri (formerly Crystal Superal) writes content and handles social media at JFDI Asia. She loves to workout and cook and dreams of vagabonding (someday). Say Hi to her on Twitter @nericrystal.

The post I’m Married! Our Wedding, Part 2 appeared first on Crystal Neri.

 “Your wedding should reflect who you are as everyday people.”

For the first time in weeks that we could finally rest, my husband and I are brainstorming honeymoon ideas.
“Our Schengen visa expires next month, but the touring prices in Italy is jacked up.”

“We can go to Japan instead.”

“What about a local tour…. Ilocos, Batanes & Palawan?”

In that moment, I’m enveloped by the love I have for this man, who is calmly and rationally discussing with me what to do next in our lives. We are still on a high from throwing the biggest party ever – our wedding day. People flew in from many parts of the United States (San Francisco, Arizona, New Jersey, San Diego, Fremont, etc); countries like Singapore, Thailand and Hongkong; and local friends from Davao and Manila. But it’s not easy for Cebuano guests to come either – our reception was at Chateau De Busay, which I describe as “up in the mountains.” In short, we dragged our 300-person guest list from a church in the city to halfway up the mountains for the rest of the five-hour party.

Wedding Planning – Staying True To Our Everyday Selves

 

When Jovi and I got engaged, I left right away for San Diego to work. That one year of a buffer gave me time to reflect on my engagement, learn how to cook, drive, be employed and immerse myself in reading and nature. In a wonderful book, “A Practical Wedding” one thing stood out for me: your wedding should reflect who you are as everyday people. When I moved to Cebu to start the preparations, this is what Jovi and I kept in mind. We know for sure that we won’t spend for caviar or ice castles. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of The Wedding Industry, but we didn’t. We wanted to focus on the essentials.

What is essential for us? Each other, an officiant, accepting marriage as a sacrament, a beautiful venue & the comfort of our guests. It was going to be big in number (guests) but small in budget. We settled on May 29th as a date because in the summertime, the kids are off school and people are willing to take a leave.

No Giveaways, No Decor, No Games

 

I’m a big fan of minimalist living, so I hate clutter. This is why Jovi and I let go any wedding favors. I see them left in venues or get thrown-away or hid in boxes. Why bother spending for that? In lieu of favors, Jovi and I are donating to three sets of charities under our sponsors’ names.

Outdoor garden with mountain views. No need for fancy decor.

 

In the early days of wedding planning, we went to a florist/decorator that quoted us an amount that made me palpitate. I could not believe it – six figures for a basic arrangement! Since that become a sore problem, we let it go. No more decor for us except the basic centerpieces that came with the venue. Last minute additions were homemade: my husband’s drawings and a DIY arch from somebody we knew. The cost? 1/20th of the original quotation. And none of our guests missed it.

We also let go of games because Jovi and I feel uncomfortable about them. It was simple – if we didn’t like it, we nixed it. Instead, Jovi raffled off charcoal portrait commissions. It’s a gift of time, it’s valuable, and folks frame that stuff. Again, no clutter.

Wedding Week itinerary posted on every hotel room

We also decided early on that we are going to treat my friends and family. All of them flew so far for my wedding. As a gift, I planned a week-long itinerary including a road trip to Oslob to see the whale sharks, an overnight stay at a handsome beach house and a boating day to island-hop. I was an overly committed bride/driver/tour guide on my wedding week. The sacrifice was worth it because Jovi and I believe that experiences matter more than material things.

Big Decisions – Venue, Reception & Dress

 

Our ceremony was held in Sacred Heart Church Parish – where Jovi was baptized and where his parents got married. We booked it right away after seeing how cold the air-conditioning was. The Parish required us to attend a very worthy 16-hour marriage seminar that taught us: (1) couples are usually opposites, and (2) ‘I love you’ cannot be assumed, it needs to be said.

Father Manny gave an excellent homily, even showing Jovi’s hand-made invites to the crowd.

 

Father Manny Uy officiated our wedding. He is the President of Jovi’s alma mater, Sacred Heart Jesuit – Ateneo De Cebu. In our first visit with him, he told us, “wedding planning is also part of the celebration.” It was a sweet reminder to revel in the planning stage stress and remember that small wins mattered.

Sweetheart table

Cocktails hours

With my bridal entourage before the reception

Our reception was in Chateau De Busay. I made this call because I believed that the least we can give our guests who traveled far is a gorgeous venue that showcased Cebu. I’m not keen to book a ballroom or hotel – I just spent a year hiking all over San Diego – and I wanted to honor my past life in my new one. Turns out, Chateau was affordable and owned by a friend of my mother-in-law, Tita Nonie Uy.

Here’s what I read about wedding gowns: “It should not break you, but you should fight for the gown you want.” Right now there’s a trend of very fancy, big, expensive gowns, but I really just wanted something light and clean on my wedding day. I’m minimalist in nature, so I never felt the need for anything grand. The month before, my designer showed me this.

I told Jovi, “Hey I have a secret… I don’t like my wedding gown.”

My designer, Jojo Romoff immediately took out all the embellishments and turned it around to the original look I was going for. I am a happy bride for not carrying 15-lbs of white fabric and able to move around.

My final wedding gown – Clean, light, minimalist.

 

My husband made 200+ personalized invitations. First, he drew a caricature of us. Second, he laid out the design in Photoshop. Third, he went to Tito Dale’s Mandaue Print Shop to have the invites printed. Fourth, he brought them home to color them one by one before finally laminating the cards back in the print shop. Frankly, I don’t like how much time it took, but people loved them. As Jovi said, “People ask for my drawings but I don’t have time for all those requests. This way, I get to give them all a piece of my art.” Well said, my love.

Jovi has an anti-boredom kit: pens & wedding invites to color.

The final result: unique wedding invitations

(To Be Continued…)

Part 2 will be about our suppliers and what the wedding day felt like.

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Crystal Neri (formerly Crystal Superal) handles JFDI Asia’s social media and makes sure they awesome content. She’s a reader and writer on startups, life hacks and travel. Say Hi to her on Twitter @nericrystal.

The post I’m Married! Our Wedding, Part 1 appeared first on Crystal Neri.

Right now I’m living in Cebu, Philippines. The ocean is so close to us and we are living in abundance of cheap, fresh fruits and seafood. Meanwhile, Andrea (a girl I call my “favorite” of all my other girlfriends) is in Portland, Oregon interviewing with Nike. In just a year our paths have separated in opposite directions. Me, planning a wedding and she pursuing design.

Weddings are a celebration of love and binding families. With all the fluff of bridal books, Pinterest-worthy ideas and input of planners, weddings are supposed to be maniacal money-sucking lavish parties. You can do what you want! You can be bridezilla and it’s okay! Nonetheless it has the different effect on me — sadness.

I’m missing too many people. Every time I look at minute wedding details such as boutonniere or non-flower bouquets, I think of Jonathan. He’s an especially close and trusted pal of mine for almost ten years. When my family needed help setting up our new house in Cavite, he painted walls and refurnished our cabinets. I’ve never met anyone as practical and ingenious, so how I wish my best friend would be my decorator and planner. But he lives in Manila — too far away.

My maid-of-honor is Lyra, another close pal for almost a decade. She will be flying from Hongkong on my wedding week. Her familiar face and presence are more than enough as a gift, so I don’t even want to bother with bridal extras. I’m a proponent of accepting things as is, so if I have no friends around, I won’t expect a bridal shower. My friends in San Francisco — Sasha, Inez, Julie, Mariana, Sierra, Melissa — are the ones who saw me failing and winning in the last few years. They saw me sneaking in a corner to take long-distances call from my soon-to-be husband. Or they shooed away potential suitors. The stories and the laughter, that’s what I miss and that’s what I would like in my entourage.

——

Planning a wedding is very different from planning a wedding without parents. I wish I could ask my mom about Roman Catholic rituals or other weddings in my family. Heck — I wish she was just beside me so I could hear her voice. Jovi and I spoke about being prepared, just in case none of my parents could make it at my wedding. My throat chokes up at the thought, but I’m prepared to walk by myselfdown the aisle. So for those who have parents who might be helping or causing some stress: just be thankful. That’s better than none.

My wedding, so far, has me craving for the familiar — for family. I know very well that I’m part of a new family now. But there’s still something to say about a mother’s practical comment or picking shoes and dresses with a sister. What is too much to ask when somebody offers help? There have been many kind queries, from job offers to actual roles in the ceremony. I just wish I would know them better to gauge if they are asking out of politeness or sincerity. Or maybe this is the event that will spark new friendships and relationships I crave for.

——

Photo by JJ Alvarez

As Edwin Muir wrote in his 1943 poem, The Confirmation: “Yes, yours my love, is the right human face.”Jovi is the most comforting and friendliest face I see everyday. He makes sure I’m never too hungry, tired, or bored (it’s awesome). Yesterday, he ran from the mall to cancel my foot spa, so he could feed me Andok’s chicken. When I told him I miss my mom, he said:

“It’s okay, I can be your Mom. If you want, I could also be your Dad in the golf course when we play.”

He and I discussed destierro first before booking our suppliers. He had pulled lots of strings so we could get first in line for everything. Poor guy was sore for four days after I forced him to swing kettle bells. He is kind, patient and supportive. When I need to cry, he lets me, then feeds me and quietly drives me home. I never knew he’d have this much caress in him.

I don’t know how my situation could be different. It’s a simple reality from moving to a new city without friends and family. I miss my loves — so much so that all I could think about is what we’ll do together once they’re here. More than a wedding, I’m looking for a home-coming. On my wedding day, my friends and family will witness my new life. And if they like it, I hope they’ll come back to visit me.

The post A Very Sad Wedding Planning appeared first on Crystal Neri.

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted,” hit many good points about relationships. If you’re in one, looking for one, or getting out of one – we will all benefit to reflect on many his wise, humbling advice.

What is the purpose of Marriage? 

Why can’t people just co-habitate? 

Marriage was God’s answer for humankind’s deepest human need — union of life with another. This unity is to encompass all of life — the total union of two lives on the intellectual, social, physical, emotional and spiritual needs.

But a husband’s and wife’s partnership signifies a higher purpose – oneness intellectually, physically, socially, emotionally and spiritually. That is a lot to ask, but has an eternal uptake if it works. 

Oneness is attained only as we are willing to confide failures as well as successes.

Fighting

There are four communication qualities that can always predict a break-up:

1. Criticism
2. Defensiveness
3. Contempt
4. Stonewalling

Truthfully, I am guilty of #4. It’s just that I’d rather be quiet than say hurtful words. Which, by the way, Dr. Chapman warns us as “high, heavy walls that develop.” When a friend betrays my trust, I know that a wall is slowly emerging. This is even aggravated by our loved ones, especially since they are so close to us. Life is too short to let heavy walls exist around you. So don’t. Discuss, be open, and move forward. 

Decision-Making

In 1793, Olympe de Gouges wrote a manifesto about women’s right. She was beheaded a few months later. We’ve come a long way in our expression of gender equality today. In fact, marriages are treated as partnerships between the male and female.

But who makes a decision in a marriage?

The first rule is to wait. Almost all major discussions can, and will benefit, from waiting. After much discussion and if nothing surfaces, according to the Bible, the default decider is the husband. 

I was appalled. No way in the world. Right? 

“A wife may feel the challenge of submission, but she should also feel the security of a responsible husband, one who will make decisions when he must.” – Dr. Chapman

It makes sense. Part of Jovi’s attitude about decision-making is to let me do whatever I wanted. He had never, not even once, imposed on me. What a remarkable gift for a young woman such as myself. But as we enter in a marriage, I will have to yield to him. Not because I’m inferior, but because he has proven to make sound decisions in our last eight years together. And if he makes a mistake, here’s a mantra of a wise wife:  “We goofed, but we’re together, and we’ll make it.”

1. To procreate
2. To meet physical and emotional needs
3. To provide pleasure

According to Deuteronomy 24:5:

“If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year, he is to be free to stay home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. The word translated “happiness” is elsewhere translated “pleasure” and is the same word that is used for sexual gratification. He is to stay home and pleasure his wife for one year.”

Talk about a honeymoon!

Leaving Parents

“Honor your mother and father.” It’s the original commandment, a guideline from birth to death, and it stands forever. God’s pattern for marriage involves the “leaving” of parents and “cleaving” to one’s mate. It involves a change of allegiance. Psychologists call this “cutting the psychological apron strings.” If there is conflict, the husband is to lean to his wife. 

Money

Jovi and I are both under-buyers. We are on the same page about frugality, which as my financial adviser colleagues say, “is the best investment strategy.” I’m so thankful that we are starting our marriage 100% debt-free, with even a little bit of savings to build our first household. 

“A prudent man foresees the difficulties ahead and prepares for them; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffer the consequences.” -Proverbs 22:33

All in all, these six points are the highlights of Dr. Chapman’s book. They are not just sourced quotes, but have practical implications. Lessons so pragmatic, they apply outside marriage – even simply in how we treat other people. 

What have you learned in your own relationship? What can you advice Jovi and I as we enter marriage?

-C. 

God himself said to Adam: “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) His answer to a man’s need is a woman.

 

 

Source:

Gary Chapman’s, “The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted”

The post Why Do People Get Married? appeared first on Crystal Neri.

Buffet breakfast with my perennial date.

Gotta love Davao, a progressive city. No smoking policy, metered taxi cabs, and wide, clean roads.

One morning, I snuck out to try the pool and jacuzzi.

A villa in an exclusive island is only around $300/night. Say what, Vegas?

Davao is Jovi’s favorite place because that’s where he learned he passed the Bar exam, played his lowest round in PAL there, and won it with the team last year. On our last day in Davao, Jovi hired a taxi cab to drive us to the Philippine Eagle Center. In a small rain shed filled with mosquitos and mud, he kneeled down and asked:

“Tal, will you marry me?”

I was more stunned about the ring that I didn’t answer for a few seconds. I even thought the whole thing was a joke. But there he was, Jovi, scared and sweaty that I might say no. How could I? God had given me the perfect man to be my partner for life.

Jovi and I shortly after the proposal. Beneath the Malagos Farm’s, “Lover’s sculpture.”

Truth to be told, I would marry Jovi without an engagement ring. He often jokes about doing a civil wedding in the Liloan City Hall. Or a quick and cheap ceremony in Las Vegas. I actually wouldn’t mind that. He didn’t even need to propose, because my answer would be always be a yes.

In Jovi, I found a generous, self-less person who is phenomenal in taking care of me. Love, in all sense of the word — being a good influence, accepting my tragedies and quirks, to keeping my feet on the ground wherever I was in the world. And also because he promised me a lifetime supply of puto bumbong. Hahaha

The next few days were a blur of friends barraging us about the proposal story, the giant ring, and wedding plans. My last day in Cebu was spent with his close friends in the Buyong beach house, sipping wine with kids playing on the side, and warning me: “You better be used to this.” I’m marrying not only Jovi, but the context of his life. When I move to Cebu later in the year, I still wouldn’t understand Bisaya perfectly. Nor am I assured that I’d adapt so easily.

Some of my friends are still in school, many still swimming in the dating scene. Am I too young? I still have personal matters to tend to in San Diego. Nevertheless, I said yes. It would have been had Jovi asked me earlier or even if this happened years in the future. It was inevitable, this is the man I’d marry anyway. And anywhere. 

Cheers, Jovi Neri!  

The post Notes about my holiday trip to the Philippines (Part 2) appeared first on Crystal Neri.

Highlights of my 35-day trip to the Philippines. First up, renovating the house and bringing my siblings to Cebu.

 

——

 

When I arrived in Dasmarinas, Cavite on December 18th, I came home to a house half-filled with cement and some furniture. My family just moved out to a partially finished house. The kitchen floor needed tiles; the window was covered by a piece of wood. Within ten days, we finished the floor and window and painted the dining room. We moved out of the old house, cleaned, varnished the cabinets and purchased supplies. Thanks to my best friend Jonathan, who was a house guest but turned out to be a carpenter. It was my responsibility to create a comfortable home for my siblings, and I did. After some coughs and feverish bouts, I flew to Cebu.

 

For the last three years, I’ve been spending New Year’s Eve with Jovi and his family. This trip is different — for the first time, I’m bringing all my siblings with me. I promised them lots of new friends, food and ocean.

 

Wolen and Mikkel, on our way to Kaw-oy

Ace swam in the ocean for the first time. Ces took the cob webs out of her bathing suit.

We did all the touristy Cebu stuff, then jumped from one family lunch to another.

Ces doing the cover story for Philippine Inquirer Golf

The number one ranked golfer in the country! Keep it up, baby cakes.

 

 There were my loves — Princess bantering with Jovi, Ace trying to speaking in english to Mikkel and Pio, and Wolen gnawing on Conching’s and tablea tsokolate. Even Jovi’s dad took out their boat, “Jersey Girl,” to take us to lunch at Kaw-oy. I felt so happy that my siblings are finally witness to what I do in Cebu, to how Jovi and his family take good care of me, and simply, how Cebu life is in the holidays. A few weeks later, my grandmother reveals to me that Ace “wants to buy tickets back to Cebu already.”

(To be continued…)

 

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